Porterville is still helpless in managing the outbreak of homeless people. I say outbreak like it’s some sort of disease. It’s not but it really does seem to happen all of a sudden. It’s almost as though other towns are sending these folks over here. Not the greatest idea, especially when this city has its head up its ass. The city can build a damn skatepark but yet does not know how to address this particular problem. There is literally a campsite two streets down from Main Street, next to the fairgrounds along the railroad tracks.
The other popular site is on the banks of the Tule River, where many homeless folks can be found. An easy indicator of this problem is the number of hygienic products you can find littered alongside the river. On the corner of Main and Olive, one of the major intersections of Porterville there is a building that once was a hotel I believe, but now houses mostly homeless people. Other than that the city hasn’t really put out any solution. Fresno, for example has many organizations that help feed, clothe and house the needy such as Food Not Bombs and the Poverello House.
No matter how much you try to turn a blind eye to the problem of homelessness it is not going to go away unless you address the issue. Tonight as I was walking into Rite Aid the manager of the store was telling a man, that was obviously homeless, sitting outside the store to leave or else he was going to call the police. The man was just sitting there, not bothering anyone, smoking a cigarette. So much for the holiday spirit huh. My inaction is disappointing.
No home, No job, No peace, No rest
I hate getting fingerprinted, It makes me feel like I’m a criminal or something. Maybe I’m hiding something…No I’m not. What’s up with hot chicks taking care of me? If it’s not this chick sizing me for a tux it’s another hot chick scanning my fingerprints. My theory on having to overcome certain obstacles is true. Oh, Sonia, you know you’re the only one for me. Disregard the “hot chick” label. You’re the hottest chick ever ok.
I had been hired by a small school district to work as a teacher’s aid. I thought “big deal,” I’ve done this a million times before. I needed the money and there was is no subbing in the summer. Why am I discussing this with myself you may ask. This is what happens. This problem permeates everything you do. “I’m gonna drop this class, the syllabus says there is an oral presentation.” “I can’t do this job, it requires me to take part in excessive public speaking.”
It was the summer, the valley heat overwhelmed the classroom. Zack de la Rocha’s lyrics resonate in my head. Although they are of a political nature and have nothing to do with my predicament they seem to help me on some days but unfortunately not on this day.
“Why are you sweating so much Mr. Rojo?”
I stepped out of the classroom to dry my face. I went to the restroom but the door was locked. What was I supposed to do? I paced the halls of this unfamiliar school trying to talk to myself. It was useless. The more I tried, the more it seemed that I lost touch. Everything seemed out of focus. I could feel my hands trembling but I refused to look. “It” had overwhelmed me. I swiftly walked to the parking lot got in my truck and left. Was I physically ill? Was I going insane? This fight or flight shit is driving me crazy.
Do you ever get the feeling that someone or something is fucking with you? Like, life in general is setting obstacles for you to overcome? Sort of like a game? The teacher in the class was a 1st year teacher I went to high school with. I didn’t know her personally but I knew who she was. She was two years younger than me. Was the fact that she was starting her career and I was yet to do the same what caused this incident? I’m not sure.
Maybe this is my challenge. I’m facing it straight on. I’ve chosen a profession where public speaking is an integral part of the job. Maybe I’m just trying to mess with those that are messing with me. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. La novia has been especially helpful. She’s told me not to quit teaching when I’ve gotten the urge to do so. She’s helped me overcome my problem. Without her I don’t think I could’ve finished student-teaching. Am I cured completely? Probably not. Will I let social anxiety disorder dictate my life? Not anymore. I’ve gotten to the point where if I’m in the front of a packed room giving a speech and I start having an attack, well then be it. I don’t even care if I dehydrate myself from sweating so much or if my face gets bright red. Before I used to wonder and worry what others thought. Now, I still do, but not as much. Así soy, si les parece bien, y si no pues esta bien también.
Note:
I started getting anxiety attacks around the age of 21. Never did I get one during high school. During college it would come and go. In part 1 I talked about an incident that occurred during class. The following semester I was reading poetry to the class in my English Lit class. In later years I was a speaker in front of crowds at different conferences. The experience that I wrote about in this post occurred after I graduated from college. It never really leaves but the best medicine is to learn how to control it by acquiring the tools to help you (breathing exercises, meditation, etc.). I think that in the past couple of years by seeking professional help I have done that.
One of the reasons I am a sports fan is that it gets me away from politics. Why the hell is the U.S. government barring Cuba from participating in the World Baseball Classic? Don’t give the embargo crap. It’s a game for crying out loud! The schedule is up already and it seems that the U.S. government is content on messing up the tournament before it even starts. Give me a break!!
I was listening to these funny-ass skits by K.West. So damn true…well in my case anyways. I should’ve dropped out of college and become a rapper.
Mp3: “School Spirit-Skit 1″, “School Spirit-Skit 2″, “Lil Jimmy”
The California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation is in need of name change. They don’t correct and they definitely don’t rehabilitate. Isn’t it funny how the state murders people for murdering people?
I’m sitting here glued to the computer screen trying not to fall asleep. It’s unreasonable for me to try to go to sleep and expect to get up at 3:30 in the morning. It’s just not going to happen. Las Mañanitas a la Virgen de Guadalupe are at 3:45 a.m. at the auditorium here in Porterville. It should be good. There is going to be danzantes and mariachis and a bunch of Mexican people. I’m sure some street vendor will be selling hot chocolate and bolillo. Simply scrumptious!
The Catholic church of Porterville wants to take away our hybrid Mexican Catholicism. Can you believe that? It was tradition for as long as I can remember that we walked in a procession from the Misión de Guadalupe approximately about 5 miles to St Anne’s church (in later years to the auditorium for lack of space at St. Anne’s). Imagine about 1,000 Mexican Catholics marching down the middle of the street with candles in hand and singing songs to the Virgen de Guadalupe. This year we’re not doing the procession which is a shame.
It goes beyond the procession. I’ve always had a problem with the fact that there are no saints in the church. I want every single saint to be in the church just like in Mexico. I understand that American Catholics frown upon our patron saints but the thing is that Mexican Catholics make up the majority in Porterville and most everywhere else. It’s true, they want to do away with our traditions. Quinceañeras are no longer celebrated in Porterville. Most everyone is forced to go out of town where other parishes will conduct the service. It’s such a pity.
My form of protest today is to go to the Mañanitas and be as Mexican as can be. I hope they realize that these celebrations are important to us. Many call the Virgen a farce and all that. I don’t care, it’s all about the culture. If the Virgen de Guadalupe was just an invention of the invading Spaniards to convert the Mexican indigenous, well then be it. I know all you cynics out there will say that it’s too much of a coincidence that the apparition occurred in the same area (Tepeyac) where the indigenous worshipped Tonantzin. I just don’t care, I believe in la Virgen de Guadalupe and no one is going to convince me otherwise.
In April, parent Kelly Pankey pulled her two sons from Golden West High School after she said they endured a year and a half of racial taunts by white students. Superintendent Stan Carrizosa said students were suspended and discussions were held with their parents as a result of the incidents.
That harassment lasted about a year-and-a-half, Kelly Pankey told the Times-Delta in May. She said the boys claimed they were called “monkey,” “jigaboo” and “nigger” on a regular basis, and their mother accused staff at the school of not doing enough to stop it.
The Pankeys’ complaints to school officials, along with going public about the situation in a newspaper article, helped prompt efforts by the Visalia Unified School District to improve racial tolerance at Golden West and other schools in the district.
Yet, the Pankey family continues to get harassed by racists in Visalia. Their house continues to get vandalized and has forced the family to move to a different home. Knowing the previous problems the family has faced there is no way that one claim that this is some random joker having a good time. What’s happening to this family is straight up racism. There is just no way around it. It seems that Visalia can’t escape its history. Visalia, the largest city in Tulare County, with a population of about 100,000, is well known for its problems with discrimination. The KKK for example had a very strong presence in Visalia for a long time. A few years ago (2002) the ACLU sued the Visalia Unified School District over the harassment of gay students by fellow students and teachers! It really is time for this shit to stop.