Today was a good day. It was my first day working at WFMS and everything went swell. I was kind of nervous to begin with, thinking that I might have a relapse (anxiety attack). Thinking about it I think my fears are based more on having one of those attacks than on the fear I have, say, for public speaking. Everyone at the school seems to be really nice, and everything went smooth, I even got to go on a field trip to the opera at the Tower theatre. I kind of felt like I was a respectable teacher. JK. My experience at work went so well that I decided on taking the rest of the day off. No class for me today. What a bum. I am at Sonia’s apartment right now just passing time. Definitely not studying, and not doing other things, if you know what I mean. As for my classes, I have one research paper due on Thursday, and the final two are due on the last day of regular class session. I think I am pretty much in the drivers seat for most of my classes except for my African American History course. Simba acts like a true retard of a professor and gives us stupid exams that test are ability to memorize terms and then crap them out the day of the exam. Instead, of course, of testing us on our ability to analyze and interpret what we learned. Gimme a break S! I am going to finish this entry short today because I have to get back to my procrastination.
Monthly Archive for November, 2001
Today was just another day at school. I missed my first class because I was still trying to finish two research papers that were due. I had plenty of time to do the papers during thanksgiving break but I chose to wait until the Sunday before the due date. Typical Rojo. I got six book reviews that I had turned in a few weeks ago back and with a big grin in my face I received two A’s, three B’s, and one C. It feels kind of good going to the dark side, for this instructor anyways. I requested some brochures from a few law schools, which I also received today. What a waste, I could’ve read all the stuff on their website, but hey, I must admit that it looks better on paper. I don’t know what I am going to do about the application process. I am supposed to take the LSAT no later than December to be able to apply in February. If I am not able to apply for the 2002 fall semester I am going to have to wait a year to enroll. That means that I would not start until the fall of 2003! I am planning on graduating in May of 2002. I’ve have thought about my options and if it is impossible to enroll next year, then perhaps I’ll sub (teach) for a year and wait until 2003. I can stay at home in Porterville, spend some time with the family and at the same time help them out a bit. Although, I am not too fond about taking a year off. What if I don’t even get accepted to any law school? That will be a year that I could’ve put into a Masters program. What a dilemma. Yeah right. Everything works out for me no matter what. I guess I am just an extreme optimist. LOL. I am kind of nervous right now as usual, (when am I not nervous?- get me a therapist dammit!) for tomorrow I will start working at WFMS as a tutor/mentor. I really like the position, I hope I can offer a lot to the school. I know that I will really make an effort to make an impact with the students. For crying out loud, they’re going to call me Mr. Rojo… isn’t that swell? LOL. I was already dying for a job. I did manage to get a position at a grocery store but that only lasted a few hours. “I am going crazy I tell ya!” I told Sonia that I felt I was too good for that job, that I wished I could find a job where I could put my skills to use, not just pushing carts around, or trying to put all the crap that people misplace at grocery stores back in their proper place. I would go crazy!, even though I already am. JK. No matter what, no matter how nervous I get, or how red my face gets, or how sweaty I get, I have to stick it out. I can’t just pass up job after job because I suffer from some type of stupidity that makes me feel like I am being analyzed under a microscope. Enough I say. Enough! I am so sick and tired of being afraid, or so it seems, of letting my mind control me rather than me control it. (does that make sense?) Well the time is 11:04pm, Sonia is asleep on the couch waiting for me to finish, I am also burning a CD, and thinking about tomorrow. By the way there is three weeks left in the semester. Oh Joy.
Soy guerillero, quiero regresar al frente!
Once again I am up in the wee hours. Why am I such a procrastinator?? I had all vacation to do my research papers which weren’t too difficult to begin with since I was taking the easy way out(LOL) and like it matters anyways. Both papers that are due tomorrow are for that bastard Gade; he doesn’t give a rats ass, why should I. Anyways, Sonia is back, that’s very good, I thought I was going kill myself this weekend(just kidding). She got here kind of late, I would say around 6:30pm. A few hours after the Oakland Raiders pounded the New York Giants. The Raida’s! For once, one of my teams is doing good. Well, actually, the Raiders did play well last year to the point that they made it to the AFC championship. Anyways, enough with football and back to the fact that its 2:09 am and I am still dreading that I have to finish two ten page papers by tomorrow. One of the papers is at 7 pages, while the other is at 27 pages. Don’t ask, I wont tell. Even though I didn’t do anything today other than sit on my duff, I think, or should I say that it feels like it was a good day. Oh by the way, what is up with me? I have been pigging out for a few months now. It feels like I eat something from a fast-food joint everyday. I feel like I have gained 50 pounds, even though the scale says that I am the same. Every day I set my alarm for 6:30 am so that I can go running. The whole semester I’ve gone running like 5 times at the most. And I am being generous there. Tonight I will set it once again, but for an earlier time so that I can also go to sleep right now but wake up tomorrow to finish up my paper, and still have time to go running. Uh, yeah right. Well, we’ll see.
It’s a good day to be alive.
This past week was a two-day school week, due to Thanksgiving vacation. I had class on Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday there was no school but I stuck around in Fresno because I managed to get an interview for a position at WFMS as a “teacher’s assistant.” I am going to be a tutor/mentor. It seems like it’s going to be a positive experience. The school is currently going through issues, there has been some mishandling in operations of the entire district. The school is located in the southern part of Fresno; (segregation still exists) and also the poorer side of town. The diversity of the school is composed by 1/3 Hispanic, 1/3 African American, and 1/3 South East Asian. It is sad to see that schools that are composed by minority kids from a lower socio-economic position, also happen to be poor like the students that attend them. What a paradox. Is that the correct term to label this situation? Rich kids that already have an economic “advantage” in life also happen to have access to above average schools, whilst poor kids get to attend inferior schools. Is this fair?
I decided to leave back to Fresno today(Saturday) to try to finish 3 term papers that are due next week. Good LUCK. As usual it will come down to the last minute. Anyways, I did some studying, the rest of the time I wasted time on the internet. I am also worried, and worried, and worried. Mis padres let me borrow the new truck and it is such a tremendous weight on me. I am constantly peeking outside to see that no one is trying to steal it or whatever (this is Fresno remember). It is not that I am being materialistic, but rather the fact that it cost so much, and it represents my parents’ hard work. That is sacred to me. If it was my car, I wouldn’t give a shit. It being the family car, makes it so much more important. I can’t wait until I return it in perfect condition. The reason I have it is that on Tuesday I will start working at the middle school and I need transportation. Hopefully my apa can get the Toyota fixed so that I can use it for next week. This weekend my uncle Moy and aunt Sara get married. Sounds like fun. Well, what is wrong with me? I feel so sad. I am missing something. I need something. I feel depressed. I miss my family, I miss my girlfriend. How can I ever leave my family if that time apart can mean spending time together, enjoying each others company even if it consists of chit chat that has no importance or criticizing others in the family. Time is running out. I am not going to have my mom forever. The same goes for my dad, but I always see him as such a strong figure. Unstoppable. That’s life I guess, or is it? Is it better to prosper in life? Or is it better to enjoy your father and mothers company? If there is a God, they are your God. They are the ones that brought you here to this place, they raised you and took care of you and made you who you are. How can I forget about them? How can I live a separate life without them if they are a part of me? This makes me sad. Or should I say that I have a vacuum in my heart. Nah.
You only think about yourself, you only think about yourself, you better think before I go, on the first train to Mexico.